As we say, life isn’t a bed of roses; the very same applies to married life too. At any point in time, marriage can turn complicated. Keeping faith in a relationship is a must, but closing your eyes and believing all that your spouse shows you, isn’t a good idea. Nothing is predictable; you need to keep your eye wide open when your sixth sense warns you about something fishy. Now, the question is, how do you know if your husband is cheating? If you are noticing something weird, indeed is an alarming situation that you might be a victim of adultery or might be there is some awry in your relationship. Every person is different, and every relationship is diverse; thus, the signs of cheating husband vary too, but of course, when you are attentive, you may find some common threads to look further.
What Infidelity Does to A Relationship?
Infidelity in a marriage or relationship is hard to swallow. It can severely distort a relationship and the people involved. Even if it is emotional infidelity, it is not appropriate. An extramarital affair can leave the other person feeling crushed, abandoned, betrayed, and confused, and sometimes, adultery ends the relationship. Betrayal in a relationship can lead to domestic violence, parental separation, divorce, depression, and anxiety. Cheating can be traumatic and is one of the more challenging difficulties faced in a relationship. Many relationship advisors advise being vigilant in relationships.
Some Expert’s Opinion on Adultery or Infidelity
According to many experts, one of the most common causes of infidelity or marital infidelity is a sense of emotional detachment from your partner or spouse. Let’s read out some expert views:
- One research from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy suggests, “Infidelity is one of the most common presenting problems for marriage and family therapists. It is devastating to relationships and can be one of the more difficult problems to treat. While the majority of couples disapprove of infidelity, some national surveys indicate that 15% of women and 25% of men have experienced intercourse outside of their long-term relationship. And, by including emotional and sexual intimacies without intercourse, these percentages increase by 20%.”
- According to research conducted by Boston University sociology professor Deborah Carr, around 25% of married men confessed to sleeping with another person than their spouse during their marriage. She also added, as per the General Social Survey (GSS), “The proportion of ever-married men who admit that they ever had sex with someone other than their spouse while married has wavered between 20 and 25 percent over the past twenty years.”
Also Read: Can you really love someone and still cheat on them? Know why do people cheat in a relationship?
Signs of Cheating A Husband
However, now we know that the consequences of cheating in marriage or a relationship can be traumatic. So, what one should do? The answer is to be observant and consider looking for the below shared possible signs that your partner is not faithful to you. Let’s check out some signs that can tell you whether your husband is cheating or not; none of the following definitely show your spouse is cheating but can altogether help you make the right decision. Whenever you start noticing some of these odd signs or specific behavioral changes, curious actions and strange occurrences, they all together can back up your unfortunate hunch, which you can filter later.
1. Emotional Distance
All married people for a strong relationship look for honesty, trust, respect, understanding, quality conversation, and emotional closeness. When they have an emotional connection, it leads to intimacy between them.
When you feel that now your husband is not emotionally connecting with you, give you endless excuses to stay away from you. Trust me; it may be one of the first signs of cheating that you must not miss. However, sometimes it might not be the case; he might emotionally disconnect with you due to other common types of relationship issues. Whatever the reason is, try to work it out the very first day you noticed; even you have to go for relationship counselling, just go ahead.
2. Physical Intimacy
Besides lack of emotional intimacy, it has started to prod your physical closeness is something which you mustn’t overlook. Furthermore, if your husband seems to show no interest in sex, despite being healthy both mentally and physically or come up with new excuses even now and then is a clear-cut sign that your husband is cheating. However, some cheaters intend to have more frequent sex to hide their extramarital affair. Either no sex or too much, don’t take your chances; these are alarming signs of infidelity.
3. Breakdown in Communication
Communication is key to any relationship, and any breakdown in communication between you two exist is not a good sign. When you ask him anything, and he replies with a short answer or just in yes or no, you must start digging deep into what is he up to. Not only communication, but if he changes his sleep time and avoids going to bed with you, coming up with defences of new work schedules, workload etc., is a sudden shift and can’t be ignored. This sudden alteration in your husband’s bedtime routine is a kind of fire alarm, hence be thoughtful and look out for the causes.
Also Read: How do you know if your marriage is toxic? A Toxic communication can destroy any marriage, just avoid it.
4. Suddenly Becomes More Devoted
Many of us might not notice it because of the commitment and love we have for our partners. But don’t be blindfolded; if your husband starts showing over affection, not only at home but also publicly too, consider it as a red flag. When his love doesn’t end with gifts or surprise lunch or diners only, but also he is now concerned about sharing household chores is undoubtedly a sign that something is going on. It may be his guilt for not being honest with you or to cover up his affair, but here you have to pinch yourself to awake from this dream.
5. Refined Appearance and Wardrobe Change
All of a sudden, he has started working on his appearance, centering himself on gyming or taking yoga classes for weight loss or drawing towards effective weight loss diet plans, trying to be more attractive with a new hair cut or going freaky shopaholic can be signs of adultery. When he goes with you, he is just the same, and when he goes alone with his best appearance, chances are strong he might be trying to impress someone other than you, ensure to keep eyes peeled.
Refined appearance change can be due to many reasons like exercising could be due to health awareness. But if your man is a simple t-shirt and jeans guy and for last couple of weeks he is inclined towards high-end brand suits or luxury watches. You can’t let it go; this new change might be due to the influence of that new person in his life.
6. Either Can’t Leave His Phone or Give Full Access
Things get suspicious when either it is too much or too little, and phones are a perfect ‘partner in crime‘ when your husband is cheating on you. Know this beyond a doubt, your cheating husband isn’t stupid, he knows this one thing indubitably that being his wife under any doubt, you will scrutinize his phone. In such cases, either he will go too easy or too strict.
Although it is pretty common that we adults tag our phones practically everywhere we go. But if your husband takes his phone even to showers and installed two-way security with some lame excuses, it could be a sign he is hiding something from you. Besides this, if you find him frequently texting someone, even sometimes at night, and when you ask, he won’t specify that ‘who’, it is obviously a red flag.
If your husband is deceiving, he knows that being too secretive will grow your suspicion, so instead, he will give you access to all of his passwords to their email, phone, and social media accounts, hiding all info somewhere else or having another phone hidden safely.
7. Gone More Often
When you find your husband gone more often than he used to be is something you can’t overlook. First working on his appearance and now gone more often than earlier is a classic nascent sign of an affair. Suddenly, he is working late at night in the office, taking more weekend calls or going on a business trip is not easy to digest. On second thought, assume it as real work pressure; still spending less time together is not a good sign of a healthy and loving relationship.
8. Money Talks!
Another wake-up sign is unexpected changes in his spending habits. Impromptu cash withdrawals from your joint account or high credit card bills without any justified explanation are some noteworthy points. A new relationship begins with gifts; there might be a case your husband is spending money on an outing or gifting to spark his extramarital affair; these all often lead to some serious spending. So keep in check.
9. Accuses You and Pick Fight
Some cheating husbands know their wives in-depth that they start to accuse their wives of cheating and pick a fight to divert their wives’ attention from themselves. If you are loyal to your husband and haven’t changed since day one and still doubts you, then do remember there’s no smoke without fire. He is cheating on you. Some husbands have a fear of abandonment, and these kinds of insecurities lead them to indulge in an affair because they are afraid that one day their partner will leave or cheat, so they decide to be the first one to do it.
Besides this, he starts to argue and fight with you on trivial matters and notice every minor flaw in you, could be a sign he wants to escape from the boredom of the marriage, and seeing someone else. A deflection is a crucial tool in the cheater’s armoury, which means he will never admit anything wrong from his end; instead, he will blame you for every suspicion, fight, jealousy and whatnot.
Also Read: Talk to your family, your girl friends or his family, after all that’s why family are for, stick together and work accordingly.
10. New Hobby
Indulging in a new hobby, exploring new interests is another sign of a cheating husband. You know your husband very well after spending a certain amount of time during all those long years of marriage. In a blink of an eye, he asks you to cook entirely different cuisine that you don’t have any mastery of, or he wishes to join chess classes or dance classes that he never ever thought during his life till date, it could be one of the signs he’s cheating. Those new interests stem out from nowhere; of course, his new significant other must have shared with him.
11. Talks About Others’ Adultery Issues!
Mostly a cheating husband tries to be discreet about his affair, but sometimes he can’t help without speaking to you. Out of curiosity about your trust in him, he may try to read your reaction while telling you about a friend’s cheating habits or ask you what you will do during such a similar situation. Be cognizant of such hypothetical questions, along with other above-shared changes; this could be a strong sign of a cheating husband.
12. Social Media Activity
Our era is of social media, and most couples follow each other. If you are an intelligent spouse; you must check your husband profile on and off. Social media activities are an excellent way to observe your hubby’s day to day life activities. If suddenly you notice he has followed someone new and likes her each and every post and often leaves admiration comments is not something to let go. Trust me; his digital behavior is indeed a helpful tool to track a cheating husband.
13. He Is Kind of Unstable and Unreliable Now!
There was a time when you two were always together, be it your children’s PTA or soccer game—even during grocery shopping, he was with you. But now, he is changing swiftly and becoming unstable and unreliable in his commitments. He forgets if you called him to bring some urgent things on his way back home from the office. When your relationship is not the top priority for him; rather, he loves spending his free time with his friends or staying the late night with them, or he is unsure about when he will be back, it sounds fishy, isn’t it? Once you were his nucleus but now like a leftover, sadly, these unforeseen changes are a clear-cut sign of a disloyal husband.
14. Gets Irritated When Asked About His Whereabouts
When things are good between two people, they never hesitate to tell about their whereabouts. But when things get fishy, a simple question can trigger the annoyance level. A cheating husband lives with a guilty conscience too, and he takes it as you are infiltrating, further stoop low to shout you back even when you ask, “How was the meeting?” If he isn’t cheating, he would reply in a normal tone and, in some cases, with additional information. But you are dealing with a cheater; there would not be any emotional reply; instead, you will find him stressed and irritated.
15. He Literally Survives Now on ‘Explanations’
As above in some of the discussions, we talked about too much or too little. When you see these behaviorial changes in your husband, take it seriously. When he is cheating on you, he might try to come clean every time, and for this, he even might go into too much detail when he explains his whereabouts. Most husbands try to hide their whereabouts, but when your husband primarily breathes on explanations, mark this as a ‘red flag.’
Will a Cheating Husband Ever Change?
Dealing with a cheating husband isn’t simple; still, your gutfeel envisions an accurate picture, be on your toe, look at the clear signs and some everyday facts on which your relationship is swinging on. If your husband is seeing someone else, he may no longer be yours unless you take immediate steps. When your instinct feels insecure, don’t neglect your partner’s unusual activity; trust your intuition, as no one knows your husband better than you. If something seems amiss, your partner may sound different in a way that can trigger your sixth sense to judge him. If you were in a smooth going relationship and abruptly crossover some bumps; well, that might be the first step of change. There is no fix answer to this question, but there is always a silver lining. Although when trust is broken, things become hard, still give it a shot and take a leap.
Every Relationship is Different! Still Try Your Best!
And while every relationship is different, there is no one-size that fits everyone to figure out if your partner is deceitful or not; instead, there are a few universal signs to detect a relationship in trouble. For example, your husband, who was once loving and thoughtful, suddenly looks distracted. Or, maybe you are finding him hard to trust enough now due to his behavioral changes unless you ask him at gunpoint whether he is 100 per cent honest with you or not. :)The bitter truth is there is no rulebook or a sure shot way to know if your husband is cheating, but there are some clear-cut signs to identify a cheating husband. And if things are in the initial stage, then with the above-discussed signs/hints, you can recognize the root cause and go for marriage counselling or a serious conversation with your husband about your marital relationship.
Also Read: Sometimes it becomes difficult to believe that your husband is cheating. As you were in love too with a history of moving from online date or blind date to casual dating to a serious relationship and then marriage was quite a journey.