The gradual slowing down and regression of a relationship after the honeymoon phase is entirely normal. The marriage takes its course into creating rhythmic routines to fit two different people. Occasionally you would shun the sight of your partner’s face. But if your resentment won’t go away, there is a high chance of you living in an unhappy marriage or in a loveless marriage. Read onto answer some of your confusions and queries yourself.
Signs That You Are Bound in A Toxic and Unhappy Marriage
Following are some customary signs to determine if you are living in a loveless marriage or not!
1. Lack of Intimacy
The emotional bond is strongly related to physical contact in a relationship. Holding hands while walking, massaging each other’s neck occasionally, or cuddling while watching TV are the best forms of intimacy other than sexual ones. Things are alarming when you are not satisfied, but if you agree with each other regarding your way of intimacy, all is well.
2. He Hides His Whereabouts
You can’t get a hold of your partner anytime and often don’t know where he was all day long until midnight, so you must be concerned. Chances are he might be tired of the marriage and love spending time outside with his friends or staying late at the workplace. But this could also lead to cheating in a relationship.
3. You Are Not Listening
There might also be some signs to look for in yourself. Observe yourself when your partner wants to talk to you. Do you roll your eyes at him and continue doing what you were doing? Leave everything aside and give him full attention. Sometimes we don’t realize that even though our ignorance is unintentional, but it is enough to hurt our partner. Later, you discover your ignorance has created a huge gap between you two, making the relationship unhappy.
4. You Have Escape Fantasies
Wanting to leave home when you have a fight with your spouse isn’t alarming unless the thoughts are sustaining for almost forever. If you have such fantasies, then the relationship is on the verge of being loveless and unhappy. This may promote a lack of respect in the relationship, and you might indulge yourself in bad habits like smoking, doing drugs, etc.
5. You Have Many Arguments or None at All
It’s either all or nothing. When constantly being unhappy, some couples fight over the stupidest things and make a fuss about it, while others become quieter than ever. When your partner doesn’t say a word as he would in the old days, this means he has closed his heart to you. This is an indicator of an unhappy marriage.
6. The Fun Became a Pipe Dream
Let’s say when you first met your spouse, his humor was the first thing you liked about him. But after you have been married for so many years, now you find that his jokes are lame. The laughter, the fun you had together lost its spark and charm, which tells you that you need help getting out of that zone to save a happy marriage.
7. You Are Being Neglected
Either your better half neglects you, or you don’t listen to him. It is a clear cut sign that your relationship is going down the lane. The most severe threat to a happy relationship that burns happiness is not having enough quality time or good conversation with your partner. A relationship instantly becomes a toxic marriage if you don’t ensure due respect for each other.
How to Turn Things to Make an Unhappy Marriage, Happy Again?
Although being single isn’t bad either, but one shouldn’t act on impulse even when they are independent in their decisions. You should try everything to save your marriage. Here is how you can do it or at least try.
1. Find Better Ways to Connect
Find common activities that you could do together as a family, such as having meals together, watching a movie as a family, enjoying kid’s events, or discuss neutral topics. This could bring a positive change if not fully reconcile the relationship, and thus, it could promote acceptance and bring happiness to the family.
2. Be Kind and Forgiving
Over the years, people get accustomed to their routines but start showing less tolerance towards each other. Thus, a better way to overcome such unhappiness is to be kind like you used to be and start forgiving. You and your partner should practice forgiveness and let this habit turn the tables for you towards a happy life.
3. Become A Best Friend to Your Spouse
Oftentimes, when we expect more, the other person demands the same in a relationship. Marriage is a bond where you can’t skip responsibilities. And if your spouse is tired of this and ignores you, you should start by becoming his friend and let him speak his heart out without judging or complaining. This could bring you two more close.
4. Talk Through Problems Together
Couples who stay together know the significance of solving issues together. If you have any problem at home or any personal concerns bothering you, talk together with your spouse gently and calmly. You shouldn’t shape it into an argument or neglect the elephant’s presence in the room, which might get bigger.
5. Suggest Compromises and Make Agreement
If you are alone in making compromises, it’s understandable that you are unhappy. Toxic marriages can be saved only when both of you make compromises and make promises that you will fulfil. Have a proper agreement of promising to do some things your partner wants you to do for him in your relationship.
6. Avoid Arguing A Lot
A family can become a dysfunctional family when a couple argues all the time, especially when in front of their kids. This imposes a negative impact on your family as a whole. So, try negotiating instead of arguing and keep the issues between you while you solve them together. Fewer arguments alone can bring peace and happiness to your family.
7. Make Each Other the Top Priority
It is human nature that a person is satisfied when he/she is given respect, importance, and acknowledgement. Keep everything aside sometimes, and show your partner that how he is important to you! Make him understand it well that he could do the same thing for you sometimes, to make your marriage happy again.
Some Questions to Ask Yourself for Identifying an Unhappy Marriage
When you find yourself being surrounded by all these signs, you should analyze the situation with a clear mind and heart. Ask yourself some questions to know whether you are in a seemingly boring relationship or you have an actual unhappy marriage. These questions can be like;
- Do you and your partner know; why you both feel disappointed and hopeless about your marriage?
- What are you willing to do for the sake of your marriage so that you can give it your best shot?
- Have you desperately wished never to have gotten married?
- Are you only talking about the kids and giving no time to each other?
- Do you keep everything inside and not talk to each other about the things that are bothering you?
- Have you been setting up a date night with your spouse at least once every week?
- Do you find yourself wanting to put more effort into other things except for your marriage?
- Have your perspective about marriage became cynical, and you speak negatively about it in general?
- Do you often feel like your marriage is a compromise and think that you are staying together for the sake of your kids?
- Have you been complaining more to other people rather than talking and negotiating with each other?
Reasons Why People Choose to Stay in A Loveless Marriage
There are some valid psychological and social reasons why people tend to stay together in a marriage even when they both know it isn’t working well for them at all. These reasons are;
The Future of Kids – This might be the most recorded reason why a couple chooses to stay together despite their differences. As both parents love their kids, they don’t want their kids to suffer mental and social stress because of divorce.
The Fear of Losing Financial Security – Many couples place great values on their combined financial assets. Therefore, they ignore or overlook the toxicity of the relationship to maintain the current lifestyle.
The Social Stigma of Divorce – Divorce is always thought to be a stigma, whether it is because of religious beliefs or the family’s norms. Therefore, divorce is out of option there.
The Fear of Becoming Alone – Sometimes, the presence of even an inconsiderate person becomes an inevitable necessity. And to save yourself from the questionable gaze of society, you choose to stay in a loveless marriage.
The Change of Social Status – Divorce changes each and everything, from your friendships, social circle, mindset, family’s acceptance to social status. Many couples would prefer to avoid such hassle and stay quietly in such marriages.
A loveless marriage is never worthy enough of your time and effort. But people shouldn’t act impulsively either. Ask yourself the right questions and choose what is best, under those circumstances, to make an unhappy marriage happy again. But when nothing else works, the pain you feel in your heart is the answer to your question of whether you should stay or leave.