Humans are social animals and need a social life; they need people around them to talk to and share their feelings, and what could be more endearing than a life partner? For a happy life, one must emphasize maintaining a good relationship with their partner because a satisfied, stable and healthy couple is the backbone of a family. Therefore, one should make all possible efforts to reinforce and fortify their relationship with their partner. Having a good relationship with your partner provides much ease and understanding, and the bonding remains forever. While dating someone, and at some point, when a couple realizes that they now want to take one step closer to getting engaged or married, these 3 tough conversations every couple should have. To strengthen the relationship, these awkward and tough conversations may look odd, but trust me, it is needed if you want fewer complications in your life.
Is it OK to Talk Before Marriage?
Yes, accept it or not, it is requisite and indispensable because the appropriate conversation at the right time can change your whole life. When you both are on the same page, the chances of the blame game ends there. Also, when you inline your needs and expectations and talk about them and other significant issues with your partner, it helps clear your doubts, enabling you both to ensure that you are putting the right foot into your marriage on the strongest foot. Remember, marriage is all about love, trust, respect, commitment, dedication, communication, loyalty and understanding.
Although I am primarily focussing on the 3 tough conversations every couple should have in this article, we will also discuss some common and fundamental questions about which one should ask their partner.
3 Tough Conversations Every Couple Should Have
Talking resolves many issues, and discussing anything timely can end a wagging war. Marriage comes with endless expectations; till your honeymoon phase, everything seems completely alright. But as you spend more time, things change because you two are two different individuals with your self-identities, and here differences of opinion can make things worst. And that’s why you must not hesitate to discuss these three questions with your partners before any final commitment. Let’s look at these 3 tough conversations every couple should have before any final proposal.
1. Financial Expectations
Amongst the 3 tough conversations every couple should have, financial planning and intimacy are top on the list. Financial pressure is the leading cause of conflict in many relationships. If you share your life with somebody, you should talk about income, expenses, loans, debt, and savings. One should be aware of each other’s finances to stay happy and healthy.
Financial planning is a must and should be a part of your regular life. Maintaining a goal, managing debts, saving money as well as creating a proper budget is all that financial planning includes. Even if your finances are kept distinct (which is not possible), they must be addressed regularly. In many nations, partners are responsible for each other’s debts, even if one dies; hence you must be aware of your position. Discuss your income, weekly expenses, previous loans, and financial objectives. Financial compatibility is essential to the happiness of your relationship. Money can severely influence your marital relationship, so you must discuss it with your partner; it may look awkward at first, but don’t hesitate just make a conversation; otherwise, you’ll have tribulation planning your future together.
2. Dreams & Goals
Discussing goals or dreams might seem insignificant to many, but trust me, this also comes among the 3 tough conversations every couple should have. Why so? Well, that’s because if your partner is career-oriented, all that matter to them is their professional life; in a nutshell, that is their first priority. In the early phase of a relationship, the couple usually make lots of effort to spend time with each other, even sometimes, they go out of the way to make their partner happy. But as time passes, they begin to prioritize other objectives or dreams or precedence over other things; problems knock, which, if not addressed properly, can ruin your relationship.
Every person has their own goal, which may interfere after marriage. So it is better to discuss this matter first to avoid heated arguments later. You must ask about each other’s life goals and dreams. If you find your significant other’s dream can deter your quality time or can come in between you, it is better to talk about the pros and cons first; how will you handle those? Ensure to discuss both professional and personal goals; working together makes it way easier to achieve the desired goals. A partner who consistently supports and applause you is a massive turn-on. If you truly love your partner and want to tie the knot, be with your partner in every step of life and help achieve goals. If both partners unite, no power on earth can separate them.
3. Parenting Goals
Stages of a relationship change when one gets married; people plan to expand their families. Being a parent is a new journey for any couple; it comes with lots of sacrifices and responsibilities. What matters here is whether you are ready to start a family or willing to have kids. Some individuals don’t want kids for their own reasons, such as career growth and financial stability, or sometimes they are scared of taking on any more duties. A marital relationship is unhealthy if one partner is willing to have kids and the other is adamant about not having kids; this topic can drift a couple apart. So discussing kids, how many kids or whether you want kids or not all must be addressed before marriage.
Even in some relationships, the couples disagree on parenting style; one partner might be cool, and the other might be very attentive and strict. If both parents have different parenting techniques, it can directly impact their child’s upbringing besides digging holes in their marital bond. A couple should discuss coming together to adopt the same way of parenting to avoid conflicts. If you are seriously involved with your partner and want to have kids together without any differences, ensure to spend quality time with your partner and talk about parenting styles for the proper upbringing of your kids.
Be on the Same Page as Parents
Parents’ role is to provide a positive environment for their children. The way you deal with your kids severely changes their way of thinking. Seeing the way which parent is easy to talk to or convince, they begin to make their independent likings; hence they might prefer one parent over another at different times or begin to manipulate parents as per their needs. When your child begins to differentiate between you two, trust me, nothing can hurt you more than this, and you might feel left out. Avoid this; sit together, talk and seek ways to be on the same wavelength about things that can strengthen your bond as parents in future.
Some Other Conversations A Couple Should Have
Communication plays a vital role in strengthening the bond between two individuals. As a couple, they must respect each other’s feelings and know their boundaries. Healthy relationships involve open communication between two partners with some effort and compromises. There must not be an imbalance of power; you both should have your independence and decisions making authority without any fear of retribution or retaliation. Every healthy relationship has some crucial aspects that a couple needs to speak about. Before marriage, first, discuss these matters to avoid misunderstandings later. However, some life matters are not rocket science; discussing them with your spouse can sort them out. Besides the above 3 tough questions, there are a few more things which you can talk about if you want to; let’s see what they are.
What Makes You Happy?
It is essential to share your feelings with your spouse. Couples sometimes lose the inner charm of their bonding in the long run due to their busy routine. This is ironic but happens sometimes; as time passes, love becomes mature but silent. We hide it under the burden of our responsibilities and begin to ignore unknowingly those tiny little things that bring smiles to our faces. You must ask your partner this simple and straight question: what makes you happy? This is just not a question; it is your concern that shows that you truly care about your better half and want to discover more about them. Also, if possible, remember those things throughout your journey because when you know your partner’s liking, you know how to compensate for your guilt.
Religion plays a significant role in all aspects of life. It is necessary to talk about the faith your partner follows. You must talk about it if you have different beliefs and ideologies. If you are open with your partner’s religion and willing not to interfere, that’s good because nobody likes to have interfered in their religious matters or beliefs. Even a discussion about what path your kids will follow must also be discussed.
Things that Bother You
Little fights, arguments, or opinion differences are pretty normal in marriages. However, these little fights can turn into warfare if you don’t address these beforehand. To avoid clashes in your relationship, it’s better to talk about the things or activity that bothers you. If you take it for granted, keep silent, or leave things on time, you’re mistaken. Your silence could be poisonous to your relationship. So, don’t risk it; be open with your partner to ask as many questions as you want to ask.
Benefits Of The Tough Conversations Between Couples
All the above-shared questions or suggestions are mandatory for a happy married life. But let’s read a few pointers on what are the benefits of these open in-depth conversations.
1. Great Understanding And Bonding
Discussing these hard questions helps you build a great understanding and a beautiful bond with your partner. When you handle things together and comprehend each other’s strengths and weaknesses, you will have fewer problems in your marriage.
2. Trust And Respect
Both factors are the backbone of a strong relationship. If both partners talk about everything, trust and respect automatically come in between them, and they don’t need to make extra efforts.
3. Smooth Life
When you get married, you become a family, and when you know and discuss every aspect of your married life, you enable yourself to solve any problem that might come in your life. Discussing every matter makes things easier to communicate with your partner anytime. If you want a smooth life, be open to your partner.
As a couple, we all want to survive our relationships with love and respect, supporting each others’ goals and dreams and looking forward to living them. Supportive and ideal partners are the ones who motivate each other to overcome any obstacles. The couples stand with each other in every good and bad time and are always together because that’s what love is about; true love stands by each other. Marriage stands the test of time when you and your partner work towards improving things; anything is possible. If you want to live happily ever after, have kids together, and grow old together, then do think about these 3 tough conversations every couple should have. And if things don’t go how they are supposed to, you must go for marriage counseling to sort out the conflicts and make things between the partners on a similar page.
Also Read: How to give reassurance in a relationship if you or your partner needs it.