10 Frustrating Signs Of Selfish Spouse And 5 Ways To Deal With Them

Selfish Spouse

A relationship can grow better only when the two people walk at the same pace. But if you are the only one making efforts, you are dealing with a selfish spouse. Here you will know what signs of a selfish spouse are valid and how to deal with such a selfish partner. These signs will also work as a selfish spouse test for your partner. See if your partner has these signs; if they show more than six signs, your relationship is at a critical moment.

10 Sad But Sure Signs Of A Selfish Spouse!

The way your partner behaves with you in certain situations or with others counts more than you think. You can evaluate whether or not you have a selfish spouse.

1. They Always Lecture You

They Always Lecture You

When you point out the negligence of your partner, they become defensive. They would start an argument and lecture you for not being sufficient when they are the ones neglecting their duties. Your selfish partner might not be saving money himself but is lecturing you on saving. They will see themselves as victims.

2. They Want To Control Your Life Choices

Want To Control Your Life Choices - Selfish Spouse

Every individual is responsible for their personal decisions, but when your decisions are not under your control, you need to reconsider your relationship. When every single one of your life choices is influenced by your partner only, it means your family is dysfunctional. You can never find mutual happiness in such a family setting.

3. Only Their Comfort Matters

Only Their Comfort Matters

An uncaring husband or wife will move mountains when it comes to their side of the family. But they will find all the excuses to postpone their visit to your family because it is out of their comfort zone. In a relationship, both sides should try to come out of their comfort zone.

4. They Never Appreciate Your Efforts

Never Appreciate Your Efforts

Most of the time, a selfish person is a narcissist as well. They will think that they are the best partner for you. According to them, you are only fulfilling your duty as a spouse, and they never appreciate you. On the contrary, they will try to find faults in everything you do.

5. Selfish Spouse Never Says Thank You And Sorry

Never Says Thank You And Sorry - Selfish Spouse

As they never appreciate you, they will also never apologize whenever a conflict breaks between you two. It is because of their narcissistic personality. You rarely hear them say thank you for even the big favors they ask, and never once do you hear them say sorry for their faults.

6. They Are Never Considerate Of Your Feelings

Never Considerate Of Your Feelings

Being considerate of your spouse is the best way to save your dying relationship because it shows that you want to make an effort for it. However, a selfish husband or selfish wife will never think or show small gestures of care to reciprocate their partner’s feelings.

7. They Are Demanding Physical Intimacy

Physical Intimacy

 Because they never consider your feelings and emotions, they will impose their feelings on you. Your selfish spouse would want you to be intimate with them without caring for consent. In the end, it is all about their mood or feelings and not yours. This is a sign worth considering!

8. They Never Plan A Date For You

Never Plan A Date For You - Selfish Spouse

Your partner never puts any effort into the relationship. Going for a walk together or watching movies occasionally keeps your relationship young. If they never planned a date for you or thought of wedding anniversary gift ideas to surprise you, it is a major red flag.

9. They Are Self-Absorbed


When your partner does not acknowledge you, they probably do not notice you whether in public or at home. They are too consumed in themselves that they appear inconsiderate and rude towards you. They also think they are the center of attention and neglect you in the relationship.

10. They Always Want To Dominate You

Want To Dominate You

They do not discuss trivial matters with you and want to make decisions for both of you on their own. This is because they want to dominate you this way. Their decisions matter the most to them. They will also not compromise and lash out at minor issues.

Also Read: If you can’t figure out what to do with your relationship, seek help from marriage counseling.

How To Deal With A Selfish Husband Or Selfish Wife?

When dealing with a selfish spouse, you must also understand how to fight for your happiness. Most people get into arguments, but that is not how you handle a selfish husband/ wife.

1. Communicate Yourself To Your Partner

Communicate Yourself To Your Partner

Even though your selfish partner does not want to communicate with you, try and make small conversations. Toxic communication in marriage can lead to break up, so you should try to communicate your needs to your spouse. Tell them what you need in a relationship. This way, you can expect them to change little by little.

2. Work For Your Happiness

Happiness - Selfish Spouse

While you are at it trying to improve your relationship with your spouse, do not neglect your happiness. If you lose that spark inside yourself, there is no turning back. When you are trying to keep up with your selfish spouse, find a hobby to distract yourself sometimes and find peace.

3. Request Your Partner For A Change

request your partner

You cannot always keep everything inside you and suffer in silence, hoping one day your partner will change. It is better to speak up than to suffer in a relationship. You can address the issues and talk them through with your partner. Use your words wisely because words can make or break a person.

4. Be More Selfish For Yourself


You can try to be a bit more selfish yourself, and you do not always have to clean up their mess for them. You should not always compromise and ignore your desires and needs. At least make your partner realize your sacrifices. Focus on your happiness and aspirations as well.

5. Appreciate When They Take Responsibility

appreciate - Selfish Spouse

What if your partner does not appreciate or compliment you? You can start appreciating your partners’ small efforts to change themselves. If they are trying to fulfill their duties now, you can encourage them by appreciating them. They will eventually start caring for you and realize your efforts to keep the relationship strong.

If you can relate to most of the above signs, your partner is selfish. Dealing with a selfish spouse is an arduous and challenging task. They may get on your nerves at times and also affect your ethics. But if you want to work on the bond between the two of you, you should consider finding out why your spouse is selfish. You will be able to deal with your selfish partner more appropriately, and they may change to be better.

Also Read: If you want to know other ways to deal with a selfish husband, here are some more!

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