Do you lack empathy, perspective, and perceivable close ones? Do you genuinely believe you deserve better from the world? And that the day could not have gotten worse since the barista not only misheard your order but also intentionally went out of her way to express her disinterest in the advances you made. Narcissism is an impalpable form of burning gunk that attaches itself to you over the considerable practice. How to heal from narcissism then becomes the pressing question. It’s important to understand that it is acquired through years of accumulated hubris, entitlement, and empathic constipation while also losing considerable amounts of self-awareness in the process. But learning how to heal from narcissism begins with recognizing it when you see it.
The Average Narcissist’s POV (Not Exhaustive)
1. Reigning The High Horse
You walk into a room and instantly know everyone is looking at you, drooling with contempt. Contempt not born out of malice but envy. They resent that you know better; their heads droop when you begin to speak, knowing you must definitely be right about the details of the passing of that local education bill. It does not matter that you reek of a misplaced sense of self, are terrible at reading the room, or barely even read the headline of today’s news.
You dismiss everything the lanky guy at the corner says, and you silence the woman who (with good reason or not) did not support the bill with loud protests.
2. Mom, The Validation Monkey In My Head Won’t Stop Screaming
Do you feel like the world doesn’t appreciate you enough? Wouldn’t you just love to have someone, nay everyone, constantly garnish that tainted ego of yours with praise? You either got too much or too little as a child, and every day of your adulthood is, regardless, a cry for more. You wish to be the single child, not of your parents, but of the Earth, be the sole cause and center of everything around you. And rightfully demand displaced affirmation.
3. “Anyway Where Was I?”
You’re great at pulling dates, but everything seems to fall apart after the first date. You cannot figure out why because they always seemed happy to hear all about your day, hopes, and ambitions. So much so that the conversation was always one-sided. You didn’t hesitate to interrupt their irrelevant ramble about their job as a retailer; you were about to entertain them with a much more interesting anecdote either way. The conversation always begins (and ends- before they promptly up and leave) with you grabbing the talking stick from your date and saying, “Anyway, where was I?”.
Tips On How To Heal From Narcissism?
Read on if any or all of these resonate a bit too well for you. You’re a narcissist. But it’s not your fault. You just need to know how to heal from narcissism.
1. Say It To Yourself
Step one is to accept your reality. You are what you are, and a narcissist is what you happen to be. It happens to the best of us. Yes, you may wither and squirm and kick your feet in the air while you do it, but I assure you, saying it out loud really will set you on the path of recovery.
2. Embrace Help
This isn’t easy; in fact quite challenging. But asking for help, giving in for once, is okay. Let your guard down, and reach out to someone. A professional if you can. No, the lady with the red spectacles and pasty notepad is not going to hurt you. If you did find yourself searching for “how to heal from narcissism”, you’re already on the right track. Congratulations!
3. Practice Empathy
Remember every time a friend came up to you with eager eyes yearning for conversation? And when you immediately turned them away by hounding them with your own mediocre anecdotes? They really needed you; not to fix their problems, but to merely listen. Most people, especially the ones you love, just need to be heard by someone they trust. Empathy could seem like a loaded word, laced heavily with accountability, but it really doesn’t have to be. And the easiest way to actively practice compassion with little effort is to listen. Don’t make the conversation all about yourself. Let the other person talk. And then, when you feel like you’re feeling adventurous enough for the next step, you can even begin to nod, give them short affirmative grunts and even throw in an “I feel you.”
3. Role Reversal
Imagine being in the shoes of those you interact with. This is a giant leap from the last step; however, an extension of it regardless. Once you find comfort in practicing empathy and giving others leeway for existence in your world, you must steadily attempt to change out your footwear. The best and most effective way of being understanding is to try and relate to the other person. The more you understand others’ POVs, the easier it will be for you (eventually) not to realize that you are not the center of the universe.
4. Dig Deep
Narcissism almost always stems from a place of insecurity and an inability to confront one’s own emotions. Do you find yourself struggling to reflect on your childhood? Are you uncomfortable thinking about what unstated need your sense of self is rooted on? This might be the most challenging part of your healing process- but you should sit and try confronting your past. It’s high time you did. Think about where it all began. Is there shame and lack of validation attached to your youth? Do you feel the need to find appreciation and comfort at the cost of others? Once you do, you will discover newfound empathy for yourself, which you’ll realize you have been lacking immensely. And his novel compassion for oneself pushes them to feel for others. It drives them to be better humans.
6. My Bad Habits Lead To Late Nights Endin’ Alone
Once you start to express kindness towards yourself and others, you will naturally present to be a mature, more sociable, more giving person. Replace your tendency to dominate conversations with better habits. Not only is this attractive (if that’s something you desire) it will undoubtedly help you create and build new relationships– even meaningful ones. In a nutshell, you wouldn’t have to go to the bar alone anymore, nor would you have to leave alone.
Living with narcissism is not easy. Confronting its reality and working towards being better is even harder. And I wholeheartedly pray that this burning gunk melts off of you with time, effort and practice—way to go for getting through this article to work on how to heal from narcissism!
Also Read: Your language and way of speaking are the most potent and valuable tools on your flank while trying to create a positive impression on others.
Disclaimer: This piece is in no way a dismissal of narcissistic personality disorder.